Sunday, October 26, 2008
(Am I worthless?) Current mood: disappointed
Once again I have died....I have died so many times in my life I have lost count. I feel competley ugly and imortal inside. I try to do the right things-I really do. But for some reason I feel like I'm being punished. Yeah I do realize that I am human like everyone else. I have emotions, make mistakes,and a whole lot more. I know that inside I am not a bad person. But I am wondering if I am do to the recent events that has happend from the beginning of the summer up untill now. I tried to start over again several times. I was on a good path for a long time and I proved to the world that I can do it like I have many times before. I know what my weaknesses are not so very much my strengths. I have no idea why I am not happy with myself when I know that there are other people out there who need help more than I. I try not to do selfish things, I don't think about myself, and I scrafice my self to help others in need because I care. Why do I feel worthless I have no idea. Another question that I ask my self is that if I know that I am a good person why do bad things contiune to happen? I don't expect to be rewarded for all the good deeds that I do or have done. I expect good things to come always and that hasn't happend for a very long time. It has been one bad event after another. What did I do? Am I a bad person? Am I being challenged by life? Or is it a destiny of mine to me a child of struggle and live my live in the shadows? I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or anything like that. Im lost, confused, and disappointed. Am I bad person or am I simply just worthless? Can this change? Who knows? I can't lose the fight just yet!
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