Emotional breakdown at 2 am

Saturday, May 10, 2008
Current mood: distressed

You know. Last night around 1 got sick. Between that time and 2 am I get frustrated becasue I am in so much pain. I call my cousin on the phone and asked her what can I do becasue I really was not feeling good and I started to cry a little. She gave me a few instructions on what to do and told me to call her back. So I did everything and I called her back. She asked me how I felt and I still said horrible and this is when I start to lose it. Do to the simple fact that I am in a fight with my grandparents I cant call home or be home at this point in time. As some of you know I am having alot of problems becasue of them. I told my cousin on the phone it is ashamed that I cant call home to see if there is anything I can do to get better. Then it got worse I started to talk to my cousin about everything that is going on right now and I started to breakdown and cry. I was almost crying for the whole hour that I was on the phone with her. It wasnt normal crying I started to breathe really heavy at that point in time I completety forgot where I was becasue I was so focused on the conversation. The truth about how I feel about everything came out and I was gone. My cousin is the only person in my family who has had my back since day one. She took care of me when I was younger and now she is at the point in time where my time is limited with her becasue she has a new responsibility that is comming soon. After that I truly know that I am on my own and so on. I seriously stopped to think about where I am in life and what am I doing to break my self free from this situation. But I am glad that there still are a few people there that are willing to help me out and I owe them alot. After talking to my cousin on the phone I felt so much better becasue I knew she was there to talk to me. I woke my roomate up at 4 am and appologized for what happend becasue I felt so horrible there is more to the story on why I felt the need to applogize.So right now at this point in time I have to look forward to this week and make sure I am getting everything done. Thank you all that has helped me so far and I truly appreciate it. I am feeling ok and I mean ok for right now. So if you have any questions just message me or call me.
Thank you,
-Rhi