.by Rhiana Wilson on Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 8:50am.
Today Marks the 10 year anniversary of my aunts death. I cant believe it's been this long. 10 years ago marked a death of a beautiful intelligent woman. She had an ultimate love for God and a passion for education. She died at 29 years old of a liver disease. She would have been about 38 or 39 this year if she still were alive. I wonder what kind of direction my family would have been into today. Especially the children or are now growing into adults and finding their own paths. The only thing I have that she has ever given to me was an Egyptian bracelet. Which took me years to get back. This woman traveled countries to explore some of her greatest desires. According to everyone in my family she was a well respected woman and goal oriented. I wonder if she were to still be alive today, if that would have made some kind of impact over many decisions in recent years. I'm not sure to be honest.
The night she died seemed like an ordinary night. My cousin was at a party my uncle was over at the house and my other cousins and I were playing power stone. My uncle game into the room everyone thought he was trying to bother us. Then he said, “Aunt Nikki died”. Everyone broke down in a state of sorrow and confusion. People wept the night away. I was the only one who didn't break down and cry I think I may have had two tears but the death didn't really impact me at all. That night my brothers pregnant girlfriend called my cousin at the party and told her the news. Everyone heard her freaking out on the phone. So we went to go and get her. That long drive to the party was hearing the Chronic 2001 album. The song that I remembered hearing the most was. “whats the difference between me and you”? My cousin cried so hard that night I have never seen her that sad before.
Prior to her death. I remember many days and night spending time in the Keiser perminente hospital on sunset blvd.. I was in the hospital so much I knew my entire away around the place. Till this day, I'm not exactly sure to why my grandmother brought me to the hospital with her over and over gain. While she was laying there to her death in that hospital bed, I never felt sad or cried a single tear. I do remember many days where the sun was shining inside of her window so bright. I don't think I remember being there on a rainy or gloomy day. My aunt never acted as she was dying she always kept the smile on her face and carried on a normal conversation. If anything it seemed as if more life came out of her as her body weakened by the day.
To be honest, I don't have very many memories of her. One I remember walking up to the Muslim church with her and she made me a hijab and I wore it. I asked her so many questions the biggest question I remembered asking was “why are then men and women in separate places?” She explained it to me and I forgot what she told me. I remember screaming out side because I saw a June Bug. She told me to calm down and that I shouldn’t be afraid because it's a creature of god. I remember my cousin and I being at her house we looked up will smith on the computer and she made garlic bread out of hot dog buns. I remember her giving us the bracelets before we went to Oregon. That's It..
All of the children in the family had some kind of special relationships and a list of memories with her. I wonder why I didn't get to see her a much as the other children or got to spend time. I would say that they are lucky to get to know such a person and have such memories. Years have gone by since her death and my cousins can always share a story or some kind of memory with her. Maybe that’s why I wasn't so hard hit about her death as everyone else. But I still miss her and wonder how life and the family would have been especially the children of the family. Even my younger brother and sister got to know her better.
One thing that bothers me about her death is how my grandmother keeps getting upset over it. Sometimes I wish that she was better. A person can never rest in peace in your eyes unless unless you learn to come with peace with god and yourself. I may have not have had someone close to me die yet. But I do understand where she is coming from. I hope one day she and others will find peace with god about her death.
Aunt Nikki I love you and I miss you. May you rest in peace in paradise.
-Rhi
.
Friday, December 17, 2010
The Little Ladies Part 2 (Thanksgivng weekend)
.by Rhiana Wilson on Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 7:51am. Thanksgiving weekend,
I saw some of the little ladies yes I did. I was so proud of them to see their smiles. I was thankful of having them in my life. How good or bad the little ladies are, you can help but refused the smiles of their faces.
Pebbles-How cute she was with her smile so bright. She danced to the tune of the purple dinosaur. I taught her hydraulics with a mini truck. She and I started bonding. Singing and dancing and played with her toys. I was so glad to spend time with my pebbles I'm looking forward to many more.
Art- My little Art how cute you are. Every time I'm around you I want to smile. Your just like like your sister as sweet as can be. Your never afraid to show a smile and aw the crowd with your sense of personality. It's always funny when I fight with pillows over you.
Ducky-My little ducky I'm so proud of you. I love the smile and hugs you give me. I'm so excited to see what you will be like in a few years. Your a good kid lets keep it this way. Keep doing you little lady!
Red- I love you so much. I'm happy your here. But realize you aren't the only one in pain. Your young have fun and focus on what you need. No matter where I am I will keep an eye on you. And You will learn it's not always about you.
.
I saw some of the little ladies yes I did. I was so proud of them to see their smiles. I was thankful of having them in my life. How good or bad the little ladies are, you can help but refused the smiles of their faces.
Pebbles-How cute she was with her smile so bright. She danced to the tune of the purple dinosaur. I taught her hydraulics with a mini truck. She and I started bonding. Singing and dancing and played with her toys. I was so glad to spend time with my pebbles I'm looking forward to many more.
Art- My little Art how cute you are. Every time I'm around you I want to smile. Your just like like your sister as sweet as can be. Your never afraid to show a smile and aw the crowd with your sense of personality. It's always funny when I fight with pillows over you.
Ducky-My little ducky I'm so proud of you. I love the smile and hugs you give me. I'm so excited to see what you will be like in a few years. Your a good kid lets keep it this way. Keep doing you little lady!
Red- I love you so much. I'm happy your here. But realize you aren't the only one in pain. Your young have fun and focus on what you need. No matter where I am I will keep an eye on you. And You will learn it's not always about you.
.
What do you think of me? (Friendship)
.by Rhiana Wilson on Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 8:24am.
As of a few minutes ago, I woke up from a dream. I dream was about an important part of my past. Quite a few of you have heard and experienced the story. No matter how much I am over the situation, something keeps reminding me of it even if I'm not thinking about it at all. Long story short I lost a friend that was very Important to me. No there was no physical death involved but I'm very disappointed in how our friendship ended. There's some situations that are left to be unfixed and there is a reason for doing so. I'm my dream, I ran into this same person in another world. All this person did was talk about my negative attributes to everyone. But failed to tell the rest of the world the other half of what we use to experience as a friendship. Time and time again I wondered if I should restore this burning bridge. Yet and still those very words that were being said to me still hurt. I always question myself and ask, “Is that what you truly think of me?.”
It doesn't matter what you think. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The truth hurts. Not matter how many tears fall from my eyes or how angry I get. I would rather have you tell me the truth right away instead of being angry and threaten or decided to end our friendship. Any true friend would say how they feel and allow the other to respond to the situation in a mature matter. I say timing is important so much build up can take the situation way out of proportion. If your friendship is that Important to you, say how you feel. Allow the other person to give feed back and work on building instead of destroying it. Easier said then done Right? My grandma always use to tell me that, “true friends are like diamonds rare and hard to find and other are like fallen leaves”. There is so much truth in the quote it's self. When it comes to friendship, one of the things like always play a major role is miscommunication and misunderstanding. People always tell you that you are responsible for your actions and life’s decisions. There may be a lot of truth that however, sometimes you do things for so long without realizing it. For some reason it always seems to be one of the people you care about the most who points out that negative trait. It's never a persons job or right to change you for who you are. But it is there job to guide you in improving your life skills.
“Rhiana oh Rhiana! You are something else. You have have a mind of your own you are just out there!”My life, the life that I am living now is an important era to my time line. Each and everyday I face and encounter the new challenges of what life is suppose to be in the world of adults. They say I'm only 21 years old and my life is nothing compared to one that is twice my age and that I have it so easy. Unfortunate or not, it is not a contest of who has had the most difficult life or who is living the better like. I’m aware better or worse “living situations” will always come before me. They say as a 21 year old I am suppose to know what I want to be and expected to have that desire of living the “American dream”. I ask, “What is the American dream?”. They tell me not to play stupid. Yeah I know what it means.
Time and time again, I get nothing but criticism and doubt. It almost seems like a drug habit for some of you out there to underestimate me. There have been many things in my life time that I have proved to you wrong. I am not afraid to do it over and over again. I am not perfect I am a human being just like that few billion of exist on the rest of planet earth. I may take time no one said that I can challenge your accusation over night. Just like you, I have a line of people expecting me to fail or thinking that I am going to fail all together. “Nothing beats a failure but a try”. Yeah. Lets keep it that way. I may tell you from time to time that I am going to prove you wrong. But don't expect me to stand there with a sign saying “The World has got me wrong”. In time, not a word has to be said and once again they will be proven wrong. I love challenges it something that I always crave. No matter how many times I get knocked down in the boxing ring I keep fighting. I may have scratches and bruises all over. After a while they are nothing but a few extra pieces of my canvas. Rhi cannot be destroyed it just to beginning and besides. I find things more entertaining in life when it comes to a challenge. My friends all the world is a stage. Every day is a rehearsal and final performance. Life with it and stay strong. The Question is what do you think of me? TBC......
.
As of a few minutes ago, I woke up from a dream. I dream was about an important part of my past. Quite a few of you have heard and experienced the story. No matter how much I am over the situation, something keeps reminding me of it even if I'm not thinking about it at all. Long story short I lost a friend that was very Important to me. No there was no physical death involved but I'm very disappointed in how our friendship ended. There's some situations that are left to be unfixed and there is a reason for doing so. I'm my dream, I ran into this same person in another world. All this person did was talk about my negative attributes to everyone. But failed to tell the rest of the world the other half of what we use to experience as a friendship. Time and time again I wondered if I should restore this burning bridge. Yet and still those very words that were being said to me still hurt. I always question myself and ask, “Is that what you truly think of me?.”
It doesn't matter what you think. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The truth hurts. Not matter how many tears fall from my eyes or how angry I get. I would rather have you tell me the truth right away instead of being angry and threaten or decided to end our friendship. Any true friend would say how they feel and allow the other to respond to the situation in a mature matter. I say timing is important so much build up can take the situation way out of proportion. If your friendship is that Important to you, say how you feel. Allow the other person to give feed back and work on building instead of destroying it. Easier said then done Right? My grandma always use to tell me that, “true friends are like diamonds rare and hard to find and other are like fallen leaves”. There is so much truth in the quote it's self. When it comes to friendship, one of the things like always play a major role is miscommunication and misunderstanding. People always tell you that you are responsible for your actions and life’s decisions. There may be a lot of truth that however, sometimes you do things for so long without realizing it. For some reason it always seems to be one of the people you care about the most who points out that negative trait. It's never a persons job or right to change you for who you are. But it is there job to guide you in improving your life skills.
“Rhiana oh Rhiana! You are something else. You have have a mind of your own you are just out there!”My life, the life that I am living now is an important era to my time line. Each and everyday I face and encounter the new challenges of what life is suppose to be in the world of adults. They say I'm only 21 years old and my life is nothing compared to one that is twice my age and that I have it so easy. Unfortunate or not, it is not a contest of who has had the most difficult life or who is living the better like. I’m aware better or worse “living situations” will always come before me. They say as a 21 year old I am suppose to know what I want to be and expected to have that desire of living the “American dream”. I ask, “What is the American dream?”. They tell me not to play stupid. Yeah I know what it means.
Time and time again, I get nothing but criticism and doubt. It almost seems like a drug habit for some of you out there to underestimate me. There have been many things in my life time that I have proved to you wrong. I am not afraid to do it over and over again. I am not perfect I am a human being just like that few billion of exist on the rest of planet earth. I may take time no one said that I can challenge your accusation over night. Just like you, I have a line of people expecting me to fail or thinking that I am going to fail all together. “Nothing beats a failure but a try”. Yeah. Lets keep it that way. I may tell you from time to time that I am going to prove you wrong. But don't expect me to stand there with a sign saying “The World has got me wrong”. In time, not a word has to be said and once again they will be proven wrong. I love challenges it something that I always crave. No matter how many times I get knocked down in the boxing ring I keep fighting. I may have scratches and bruises all over. After a while they are nothing but a few extra pieces of my canvas. Rhi cannot be destroyed it just to beginning and besides. I find things more entertaining in life when it comes to a challenge. My friends all the world is a stage. Every day is a rehearsal and final performance. Life with it and stay strong. The Question is what do you think of me? TBC......
.
The little ladies part 1
by Rhiana Wilson on Tuesday, November 9, 2010 at 1:22pm
As I get older I realize that I have a lot of little ones to look after. As an aunt, god mother, and big sister I have a major job to do in protecting these little ones as they grow. Hopefully one day they grow up to be beautiful intelligent women with the ability to take on some of life's biggest challenges without completely destroying their selves. I want these young ladies to grow up with a free and creative mind. The important part is that they will have the ability to think outside if the box and become heros on their own. As a young woman, I still have much growing up to do on my own. I know that I haven't made the best of decisions in recent years. However, my job is to make sure that these little ladies don't make the horrible mistakes that I have made and protect them from many dangers that lie ahead. I may not be a real super hero, but i know as long as a fight. These ladies should turn out to he okay. I realize that people are going to do what they want and I respect that. But for what it's worth if I can keep them out of harms way. By all means I will.
This series of blogs is about the little ladies that have a lot of growing up to do. I plan on sharing stories and opinions. I will have several stories about them but some may be longer than others it depends. At the start I'm going to introduce their real names and come up with nick names as I tell the stories.
Here the lists of ladies and a brief intro.
Alana- my bratty little sister. I love her to death. This is the one I'm going to have to watch out for the most. She's very smart and speaks her mind. She has quite the mouth on her at times. All the needs to do is talk to me! Lol
Nicole- One of the sweetest little girls I have ever met. Very unselfish. Smart. A big sister that is one of a kind. She's hard headed at times. Very small but doesn't let her size stop her.
Makadi- Nicole's first little sister. She's shy and sweet. Quite the talker. She loves her big sister to death. Very smart little girl.
Patorianna- such a cute little girl. Smart. And I can tell that when shes older she ain't gonna take crap from anyone.
Emery- my god daughter. She's cute. She's funny. She's bratty and very smart. Did I forget to mention that this little girl loves to eat? She talks a lot too!
Alana Q- girl you just came into this world. Your family loves you to death! Cute little baby and gangsta like her auntie! You are a robosa girl. It outta be interesting to see how you grow up. Your a smart baby but make sure you charge those fools for doing their hw lol.
Asa- you are so cute! You look exactly like your daddy! One thing i admire about you is how you such a happy baby! You remind me a lot of Nicole of when she was little. As a matter of fact Asa, your changed the way I thought about having kids on the future. I may want one after all later on. That fact that you are such a happy baby is classic.
As I get older I realize that I have a lot of little ones to look after. As an aunt, god mother, and big sister I have a major job to do in protecting these little ones as they grow. Hopefully one day they grow up to be beautiful intelligent women with the ability to take on some of life's biggest challenges without completely destroying their selves. I want these young ladies to grow up with a free and creative mind. The important part is that they will have the ability to think outside if the box and become heros on their own. As a young woman, I still have much growing up to do on my own. I know that I haven't made the best of decisions in recent years. However, my job is to make sure that these little ladies don't make the horrible mistakes that I have made and protect them from many dangers that lie ahead. I may not be a real super hero, but i know as long as a fight. These ladies should turn out to he okay. I realize that people are going to do what they want and I respect that. But for what it's worth if I can keep them out of harms way. By all means I will.
This series of blogs is about the little ladies that have a lot of growing up to do. I plan on sharing stories and opinions. I will have several stories about them but some may be longer than others it depends. At the start I'm going to introduce their real names and come up with nick names as I tell the stories.
Here the lists of ladies and a brief intro.
Alana- my bratty little sister. I love her to death. This is the one I'm going to have to watch out for the most. She's very smart and speaks her mind. She has quite the mouth on her at times. All the needs to do is talk to me! Lol
Nicole- One of the sweetest little girls I have ever met. Very unselfish. Smart. A big sister that is one of a kind. She's hard headed at times. Very small but doesn't let her size stop her.
Makadi- Nicole's first little sister. She's shy and sweet. Quite the talker. She loves her big sister to death. Very smart little girl.
Patorianna- such a cute little girl. Smart. And I can tell that when shes older she ain't gonna take crap from anyone.
Emery- my god daughter. She's cute. She's funny. She's bratty and very smart. Did I forget to mention that this little girl loves to eat? She talks a lot too!
Alana Q- girl you just came into this world. Your family loves you to death! Cute little baby and gangsta like her auntie! You are a robosa girl. It outta be interesting to see how you grow up. Your a smart baby but make sure you charge those fools for doing their hw lol.
Asa- you are so cute! You look exactly like your daddy! One thing i admire about you is how you such a happy baby! You remind me a lot of Nicole of when she was little. As a matter of fact Asa, your changed the way I thought about having kids on the future. I may want one after all later on. That fact that you are such a happy baby is classic.
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