100

February 24, 2011 at 12:09am


Here marks my 100th online posting. I never thought I could reach such a number but I finally did it! I am happy that I got to share my feelings,and thoughts to the world. To a friend or to a stranger it didn't matter they always supported me. Blogs, poems, and stories. Work that has been published by me over the years. I am so happy to finally reach my goal. In the happiest and darkest of times you still were there and listend to what say. I helped some of you understand me better as a person and revelived to you a side that some thought may have never exsisted. I love the may I think and you may not agree with everything I have to say. That's okay. I still got out the message I wanted to give. I thank each and everyone of you for the feeback and support. I may not have the best english skills, I'm glad that some of you were able to get pass that connect with my word. I may not be the worlds greatest poet or writing. I'm glad I have the worlds best supporters.



My life has been full of many ups and downs. I learn that hiding the truth doesn't get you very far. I have also learned that saying too much can drive some way. But I know that letting people know your story inspires them to open up with theirs. My job isn't to prove to you that I exsist all I want is for you to understand. They may be my 100th online posting but I have wirtten more than 100 things. But those things were on paper and got lost. I believe that thinking is so important. I love those who ask questions and go beyond borders. These 100 blogs tell some of the history, my evolutoion. Blogging is not an everyday habbit for me. I know I can just write about each and everyday I choose to write about those that are special. My blogs are full of so much emotion.



This inspires me to keep wrting. I hope I have enough peoms to publish my own book. Not out for the money. I'm in for the craft, I believe and sharing my heart with the world. I dont have a fan base in the thousands. I am not famous or do desire to be. I am Rhi thats what they call me. As long as my message gets out to those who care. It makes me happy. Writing is what takes me to my paradise of thought. I love sharing what I feel to the world. I love you all for being the rockstars you are. You supported this woman with a big glowing heart. I am the heart that is unexplained.

"Love and Truth" "Truth and love"

February 23, 2011 at 12:05am


Love and Truth

Such powerful words

The words that always pain

The worlds cause one to be insane

Makes you do things you never wish

You ask over and over

Why me

Why do such powerful words have to exsist in my vocabulary

The words that make and break history

The truth hurts and I love you

Always so easy to say

Its the truth and my love for you very little to say

So easy and not it what tells a story to so many

Why the truth and why the love

Why should any apply?

I love to hear the truth

And it is the truth that I want to be loved

How confusing the two are in a snigle statment

Why can't I just love the truth

Why can the truth show the world that I am full of love?

Oh truth and love

Those bloody words

But words can never hurt me?

The happy, pain, the frustiaion and confusion

What is the turth behind love

And what is the love behind the truth

They say the truth shall set you free

And that love was a word that was invented by god

But yet and still its drives you crazy

oh how I feel the tention

I rise in a world as mysterious as it as

All I see is cloudy emotions

How I learn to love the truth even it brings me pain

How it the truth that let me learn love

It is Its what it is.

I love you and hate you.

February 19, 2011 at 8:02am


I would rather have you hate me than love me

I only chose to love you, I have no choice

Why oh why do you desire me?

I why am I the item of your affection?

Why do you walk around with so much pride

But inside I want you to rot and die

If I told the truth, I know you would lie

Why me and no one else

Why the pain the casued me?

I love you and I hate you

But don't understand you

I am strong enough now to fight you and say no

With many they will never know

I carry this secret to my grave

I try to love you I really do

I can never have my full heart to you

I love some of what your created

What you have done to me will always make hate it

Im scared of destorying whats bearly stable

I try to put it behind and see what I can find

I see you, I try to block it out

I am away and it keeps coming back

How can I?

How can I recover from this pain?

At the time I didn't know it can drive me insane

I will never have your curse

and that I am glad

I love you and hate you

It will always be sad.

Oh lady

February 13, 2011 at 3:52am

Lady oh Lady

Why are you so mean

What did I ever do for you to reflect such pain?

I see your insecurities and your flaws

You act as if no problem is within

Lady I see we share the same desires

I think you have priories confused with concerns

Why are you in the shadows

Oh lady oh lady you are older than I

You say your wise and I know you lie

You keep going with pre written fiction

Oh lady of lady

When I challenge you

So suddenly become more superior

I can knock you down as if you were the worlds tallest building

You pretend your then empire when you truly are the el cortez

Oh lady of lady

Why a mask

A mask of shame

and a mask of blame?

Why the shame when you are one to blame

The shame is within your confused soul

Oh lady oh lady

I worry about your history

You claim to keep it real

and the real seems hidden

Why would the world judge the real

If the truth is that one that is suppose to set you free

Oh lady I am confused

Why do you envy those around you

When those have close to nothing

Are you unhappy with your current state?

Oh lady please spare me with an answer.

Loves fate

Sunday, February 13, 2011 at 3:39am


He loves me

He loves me

He loves me not

If only the fate of love were decide by a petal of a flower

If only the fate of love were decided by your decision

If only love is a simple as it sounds

If only love weren't so complicated

I feel I feel with all my heart

I try I try to get his affection

I need I need to answer this question

I live I live the ultimate risk

I hate I hate taking the ultimate risk

I find I find nothing but strangers

I get and get nothing but problems

I fight I fight for his affection

I'm sure and unsure of loves fates

I can't I can't solve loves problem

I hope I hope I find loves loves solution

I am I am loves problem

The road of my life.

February 13, 2011 at 3:30am

Walking down and endless road

An endless road of feelings

I road full of pot holes and cracks

I always seem to be pulling over

With each stop tells a differnt story

A story full of msyteries

Happy, angry, sad and depressed

You can never leave the stop with out a memory

A memory that is nothing

Or a memory that is life changing

There always is a stop and the road seems endless

A one way street that seems to long

A one way road full of history and pain

You can only fix a flat so many times

You can never be in it's original state

Cars, people, plants, and animals

All of nature seems to be on the same road

Not everyone is trying to reach the same destination

It's so sad leaving wreckage behind

So many people only survive a wreck

A sunny day, A winter storm

So much life on this busy road

Never any traffic or a set speed limit

The best road you can ever take a cruse

That brings you the greatest of attractions

This famous road is not route 66

This famous road is the road of life

My life in the fast lane

Limits and laws never apply

My road, My road

My road of life.

Recap of 2010

January 21, 2011 at 1:18am



I know this is late but here goes the list.



I went to disneyland

Drove to anihiem

Went to Comic-Con

Started the Keep comic con in san diego page

Been interviewd with new stations

Met someone from wescoin

Did an actual cosplay

Got into my 2 favorite pannels

Went to ventura beach

Been to a Train grave yeard

Discoverd and listened to pleasure principle by janet jackson many times

Sent a love note

Driven to hollywood

Went to africa week

Been drunk

Been Hung over

Discovered Antowine Dobson

Discovered Shabi 2 the Sun

Discovered WHATTHEBUCK SHOW

Discovered Phylisang Pinoy

Discoverd Jaybooed

Attempted Chrono trigger for the first time

Played killer instinct many times

Discovered Tispy in this club played in many times

Made Sinigang

Made Adobo

Made Stuff Bell peppers

Gotten free food many times

Been to a gay bar with my couisn

Given directions while being drunk

Went to the beach at night

Had a beer on the beach

Had road rage many times

Gotten into fight

Been To San Diegos first Anime convention

Had my first real job

Went to the fashion district in downtown LA

Had a hotdog off the Street

Went to West Hollywood on Halloween

Had pho many times

Ramen a few

Had some sushi

Went to a christmas party

Went to ladies night

Saw the black swan

Saw Scott pilgram

Read a book called fast food nation

Read a book called day of the loucust

Met many people from online

Had a date with a vietnamese guy

Been to little toyko for the very first time

Went to the cheesecake factory

Stayed home on my birthday because I was broke and later got invited to go bowling

Applied for more jobs

Given Comic-Con goodie bags

Watched peach girl

Watched justice Leauge

Watched school days

Listenend to karsh kale when I'm down.

Blew out my car stero

Started a cookbook

Wrote more poems

Did an open mic

I feared of failing a class

Had a Crush

Recived a special book from a friend

Thought about the past many times

Have made friends that are old enough to be my parents.\

Rode the trolley

Got a Gift card to ross

Went out on black friday

Finally got a new laptop

Welcomed 3 new babys into the world

There for my best friends baby

Meet new girl friends of my brothers

Drove to a gated community

Found myself owning some great knives

Still having peoples backs

Got more fans of my cooking

Fought with roomates for little things

Discovered a new wine

Been Late on my rent

Met a nice lady who knows how to do good hair

Asked many questions

Payed attention to the news

Said many times "I hate being confused"

Cried many days and many nights

Devloped some close relationships with people

Played tekken

Seen the Tekken movie

Was Given a bag of chronas

Went to glendale

Tried rice krispy treats made out of captain crunch

I have ate breakfast food and called it my lunch

Had mexican candy

And baja fresh for the first

meet nieghbors who own a N 64

ordered on ebay

discovered PWI

Dsicovered Second Life





TBC...

"Cinderella Dressed in Yellow..."

January 5, 2011 at 1:06am

"Cinderella dressed on yellow, went up stairs to kiss a fellow made a mistake and kisses a snake how many doctors did it take?"

This chant is known as being part of a jump rope game for little girls. I use to say it to. The other day I was thinking about this chant and in the back of my I was thinking really hard about these lyrics. I realized do these little girls know that they are saying something that can possibly have a fucked up meaning behind it just like other chants and nursery rhymes? Maybe that wasn't the intentions of who ever invented the rhyme. But I decided to analyize just for the hell of it. Call me crazy but I was seriously thinking about this shit the other day for no apparent reason. So let me get started.



So I'm pretty sure the vast majority of us has a general idea of how fucked up the cinderella story is in general. Any verson of the story will just do. Even if it's Disney.....So I'm just going to use the Disney verson for now to anyalize it's meaning and what I think it is. As we all know Cinderalla has had a pretty fucked up life with her step family and she almost doesnt get to go to the ball and the fairy god mothert gives her a happily ever after. One of the maain things you notice in the disey version is her being innocent and clueless about some things.



Now then when I think of cinderella, I think of her as an innocent/clueless woman who ended up in another unfortuniate situation. The color yellow has a great deal of meaning when it comes to friendship and waiting for someone to be home. It is also a very innocent color and not often seen as a negitive color. It is quite obvious in the disney verson she wants love and affection from anyone espcailly her man.



"Went up stairs to kiss her fellow"....So she went up there to see someone she loves....."made a mistake and kissed a snake"....So it turns out that he isn't all what he dreamed...she hoped for love and he took more than those precious lips of hers.They say that the snakes can be the most sneaky and dangerous creatures in the world. They may have no legs but still have ways of getting to you. He was a snake without a doubt. He slide his way into her heart and told him that it will be okay. He took what is most preciuos to her...."how many doctors did it take? 1......2....3..." the list goes on. For as long as the girl jumps each and every time. Repersents a doctor to deturmine what her illlness may be.



For every jump a girl makes for those doctors the more people who of affection and get a disease. They never say if she is all right from the snake. But either the rope stops turning of the lady stops jumping. Poor Cinderella, it was never a dream come true. It this story you were taken. They contuine to jump in you name. Each time the count a doctor increases your pain. You remind me of the modern woman.





so you guys what do you think?

I am an Adult

Wednesday, December 22, 2010 at 5:14pm

I applaud you as having the ultimate desire of wanting to become an adult. But you do you think constantly insulting someone that is younger than you going to help your goal or theirs? There is a difference between confronting a younger person about a problem and being down right ridiculous. Just because someone is younger than you doesn't mean they are stupid and have no sense of understanding and experience. If anything I have met some people who are my age who are more mature than these so called “adults” out there. You think your better than someone just because you have a higher paying job, a spouse or a degree? Hell no. I respect that fact that you have your own set of goals and ridiculous But I don't respect the fact in how you tie in your insecurities of what YOU think an adult is suppose be. Yeah we live and learn and have or mistakes. We grow from it and move on. I think that part of being adult is admitting that you are wrong and confronting a person with an issue. One thing that bothers me is when people say, “I'm a man”. or “I'm a woman”. A lot of the time these people who often repeat that to you are the ones who hardly admit having problems or being wrong. They are often big hypocrites. Why do you have to constantly remind a person (espically if they are younger) that “YOU ARE AN ADULT”? Sometimes I find that people who constantly remind you of that, after a while you don't seem to care of believe what they have to say. I find that some of the greatest success is based on people doing what they have to do. Instead of wasting time trying to tell the world something that you should be doing and your not. An “adult” doesn't keep saying that they are. They know they are. I myself know that I am not a true adult. But that still doesn't mean I don't have “adult like” responsibilities. And status doesn't mean shit either. So what if you are a parent or a spouse. Should I suddenly back away and not say whats on my mind? No. I'm tired of hearing people remind me of my age and telling me that, “I think I know it all. I'm too young to understand what's going on in the world. I'm immature and don't have any discipline”. Really? Many assholes out there who tell you that are often the ones who made more horrible mistakes that you did at your age. I have friends who are old enough to be my parent or grandparent. When I talk to them, they seem to be less angry and judgmental towards my decisions. They often tell me to be careful and with time I will learn things on my own. They often share stories with me and answer my questions when needed. Yes they do say at times that they don't recommend that I make that decision. But they don't directly insult me or tell me that I am a bad person. They never remind me constantly that they are adults. I know it and I can see it in them. I don't have respect for some hot head who thinks that the world revolves around them. That think that those who are younger are meaningless and insignificant. And you wonder what I don't respect you. Stop having that “I'm grown kiss my ass” mentality. It's not cute, funny, or respectful. An attitude like that is going to land you problems in the future. It's the truth.